Paparazzi Definition (humor?)

Uncyclopedia, the Content-Free Encyclopedia:

The American Paparazzi are a tribe of cannibals that reside in California. They are notable for their ritual of somehow legally stalking celebrities, stunning them, then proceeding to mutilate their victims body while feasting on their flesh. After they are full, Paparazzi tend to practice Necrophilia on their victims corpses. When cannibalism was outlawed in 1954, the Paparazzi tribe was forced to resort to alternate methods of soul consumption. While before, they were able to absorb the life essence of their foes by eating their flesh, they were left after the cannibalism ban with no legal means of maintaining the life essence status quo. In 1956, however, as unrest among the tribe threatened to destroy it from within, Federico Fellini, a highly respected elder, discovered that the camera had the ability to steal a victim’s soul without physically harming their body, thus providing a comparatively simple and legal means for the Paparazzi tribe to uphold its traditions and feed its children. (The children are responsible for providing their own beverages, however. Two-liter bottles of soda are popular; their favorites are Big Red, Dr. Pepper, and Orange Crush. If someone has ice, all the better.)


One Response

  1. Very nice. the camera stealing your soul comes from the primitive tribes who were first photographed. They didn’t want it because when they saw the picture they felt their souls had been captured. The Amish here in the Ozarks will not let you take a picture of a child or children of theirs for partly the same reason and partly to not allow vanity in any form, because it is the beautiful ones you feel like photographing and I was friendly with this family. Before I gave the children anything I always showed it to the mother to ask if it was OK. I also asked what they liked and she told me so I knew that anything she said as a reply was also acceptable.

    Baudrillard carries it further and extends it more and what he says applies to the papz. When the papz take a picture, or when a fangirl takes one with Rob with her camera phone, they steal a tiny bit of reality from Rob, a tiny bit being a “homeopathic dose” meaning it is so small the object – in this case Rob or Kristen – doesn’t even know it’s gone. This is why in the beginning Rob couldn’t stand to watch himself on screen, he felt, rather than knew, that something was being stolen from him. Eric Packer is the character in full bloom as he has merged with the screen.

    Extending even more, our reality is being stolen from us in homeopathic doses all the time. We see this in The Hunger Games. The division of simulated reality in the capital and real reality in the districts indicates the simulated reality has not become total. When it is total – and it is coming – then we will be in Virtual Reality. If you have ever played or watched someone play a virtual Reality game as a character you know what I mean by experience. Scary.

    This is the theme of Country Strong, a grossly underestimated movie. She can only feel alive after awhile when she is performing, a huge screen persona behind her actual persona. When she performs her eyes light up, she feels real, and when she is just her real self with her husband she is boring and he is bored with her. This is what Monroe knew. Marilyn was a personal that she made up and got into every day and as Michelle Williams has said after doing it, it is exhausting and takes a long time, so no wonder whe was late on set so often.

    So yes, I am agreeing with you that the papz are taking their soul. They are stealing their aura which is required for the actor, especially on stage. By turning them into reality stars we elminate al lillusion and seduction. Illusion and seduction are our only escapt from virtual Reality, for when simulated reality is total there will be no escape for us and we are rushing madly to embrace it. This is all in Baudrillard’s book Paroxysm.

    This is what Kristen knows in her bones, if not as intellectually as I have stated, and what she fears. Rob is embracing it with his thousands of fan camera pics.

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