In honor of Oscar weekend I have decided to get the crystal ball out again and predict the next round of BS Rob & Kristen stories that will be barfed out of the mouths of the celebrity gossip machine. My previous blog [Five] Rob & Kristen Stories Waiting to Happen, has already predicted four of the five stories predicted in that round and I still have until Kristen’s birthday on April 9th to get the fifth one in.
But in light of the Oscars let’s predict how the BS will fly over the next several weeks. So here goes, Hollywood Life, here are seven more BS stories which you and your tabloid turd colleagues are bound to report before Rob’s birthday on May 13 :
Story #1. Kristen will be accused of flirting with, showing attention to, or otherwise getting it on with someone other than Rob while at the Oscars or at one of the Oscar after parties. This person will probably be male, hunky, and possibly her co-presenter or a film director or producer. And of course they will “great chemistry” or something like that.
Story #2. Kristen will be reportedly unhappy about and hating on another actor that gains recognition either by accolades or trophies. That actor will probably be Jennifer Lawrence, Ann Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, or Naomi Watts, or some or all of the above. Kristen will be reportedly distraught, outraged, or green with envy too near neurotic levels.
Story #3. Kristen will enjoy a miraculous reconciliation with Robert Pattinson despite earlier reports of their relationship’s demise. Which will explain why she is seen yet again with him after his return from filming in Australia. That story will likely include some ridiculous and unsubstantiated details of some romantic event, interlude or encounter between them proving the so-called truth of their reconciliation and will likely feature an undisclosed friend as a unnamed source.
Story #4. Following the release of the Breaking Dawn 2 DVD and some evidence of their continuing relationship, a story will posit that Rob & Kristen’s relationship is all PR but they can’t end it too soon because people might figure out that they have been had. This story will follow continuing reports that Rob and Kristen remain an item even after the release of the DVD and will try to explain why they are still together although in a bogus relationship.
Story #5. Following this news of their “reconciliation”, a story will report that they have broken up once again for some unsubstantiated and ridiculous reason before Rob leaves town for yet another film project.
Story #6. Some story will report a life altering event for Kristen such as an impending marriage, an impending pregnancy, or that she is suffering from a serious life-threatening disease or malady. Although such could include shopping for yet another house, since Rob and Kristen seem to suffer from an incurable urge to shop for new houses, we will count that under this category.
Story #7. Invariably, Rob will once again have a romantic encounter with a woman other than Kristen. She may be an actress; an unidentified model, waitress, or fan; or one of the many people that the gossip rags have tried to tie him to in the past. Odds are it will somehow involve a blond with big tits, because that seems to be what the celebrity gossip machine’s imagination is fixated on.
Mark my words, these stories are coming as assuredly as a tabloid relies on an unnamed source. And despite an absence of evidence to support any of them, plenty of stupid people in the blogsphere will believe them. Launching yet another round of Kristen bashing, cries of “once a cheater always a cheater”, how she is unworthy of Rob or stardom, and other such nonsense. And all of these stories will probably occur by the time of Rob’s birthday on May 13. If anything, the tabloids are always so predictable.
So please respond when you see these ridiculous stories. Special recognition (And the Winner Is) awards go to those commenters that identify them here first.
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