The Grand Punk Part 5

The Grand Punk Part 5

 “Sometimes when things seem too unbelievable to be true, they are just that: not worthy of belief. I think this whole “scandal” was dreamed up and brilliantly executed by Rob, Kristen, and Rupert and that the celebrity gossip machine is about to get punked bigtime. It’s a big payback for all the crap Rob and Kristen have had to put up with for years. And I think there is also something even more significant behind it. “

Part 5

Despite the rash of stories and rumors that have flooded the internet for the last three weeks, what we know about this incident since after the night of July 22nd at the TCA’s is surprisingly little and is a lot easier to describe than you may think.

Here goes:

1. Neither Rob nor Kristen, has ever been seen or directly heard from since the night of the TCA’s on July 22nd until Rob’s appearance in NYC on August 13th to promote Cosmopolis.

2. After the “scandal” broke on July 23-24th, Liberty Ross was only eventually seen out without her wedding ring on August 6 and has been seen out a couple times since.

3. Later still, on August 7th, Liberty and Rupert were seen out together for the first time.  And that’s it. I’m not going to go through the hundreds of ridiculous stories that have exploded across the internet since as they are examples of what the celebrity gossip machine does best, MAKE UP STORIES. Stories of moving vans and dog custody fights; debates over Rob being a man whore, a bisexual, at the ranch, or drunk dialing Kristen; stories of Kristen’s not bathing, crying her eyes out, partying with Lindsey Lohan, and having had affairs with everyone of her past costars. All of it is nonsense, and most importantly, none of it is verifiable save for the unidentified “sources”.

GC has done a good job of cataloging a lot of this other nonsense as nonsense, but they too can’t resist the irresistible “sources” either, and that has led them astray as well. But I will go through a couple claims that GC claims as truth, just to show you that we can confirm even less than what even they claim is true. Here is what GC adds (in arguable increasing order of importance):

1. That Kristen was asked to move out of Los Feliz.

2. That following the “scandal” Rob may have momentarily stayed at Reece’s ranch but was gone by the time the story broke.

3. That Kristen has dropped out of Cali.

4. That Rupert is now focusing all his attention on repairing his marriage to Liberty Ross, and it’s been a “very difficult” time for them.

5. That despite Kristen’s public apology and first time open declaration of love for Rob, Rob was “blindsided”, is still very “upset” by her cheating, and is not prepared to discuss the matter at all with her. Although perhaps more recently, they are at least talking.

6. That while Kristen & Rupert definitely fooled around, they did not have sex.

7. That Kristen and Rupert’s hookups occurred in the last few weeks — not during the filming of Snow White and the Huntsman.

8. That Kristen and Rupert admitted the “scandal” and apologized to their significant others via statements to People Magazine.

Let’s take a look at the first four first. If you look at each story carefully even within GC, they are equivocal and/or are always relying on the unnamed “sources” for their reliability. Who asked Kristen to move and when. Was it Rob himself or his close friend Sam Bradley or Marcus Foster. Rob may have stayed at Reece’s or did he stay longer? Confirmed by whom or what? As for Cali, Kristen quit, yet no confirmation from her people and no announcement yet (of what) from Voltage Films? And yet, GC makes that a 10 undoubtedly based on their “sources”. As for Rupert’s focus, according to whom, confirmed by what?

Then the next four, who says Rob is not talking to her? And how does anyone “confirm” that Rupert and Kristen did not have sex and that the whole affair happened in the last few weeks? Because someone said so? At best, GC is relating what others supposedly said. Yet other say that they did, and others say that they didn’t, but at the end of the day it’s all idle speculation. GP is no more knowledgeable than the rest of them but for their so-called “sources” And why should we believe them at all? Because GC says their sources are impeccable?

And what about #8. That is the one that really holds this whole “scandal” scenario together, even if it defies reason. And uniquely, it’s the one thing that was theoretically under Kristen’s control.

Let’s examine the admissions:

Well first of all, neither Kristen nor Rupert have admitted anything themselves. Neither have called a press conference and spoken directly to the media or the public. And perhaps never will. Their “confessions” come in the form of “statements” released purportedly by their representatives to People Magazine. What we call in the law, multiple hearsay. Magazine says that Kristen’s representative said that Kristen said. Ditto Rupert.

Second, the statements themselves are lacking in any detail and as many have noted, are actually quite bizarre. Take Kristen’s for instance. If believed, she in it for the first time clearly and unequivocally professes her love for Rob as she apologizes in a very public manner for taking part in a momentary indiscretion. Why the need for a public apology at all? And don’t tell me it’s because Rob was refusing to take her calls. There are plenty of channels and people through which she could have reached out to him other than broadcasting it to People Magazine. Why make matters worse and embarrass him in the public eye? In a very public manner, all for a momentary indiscretion. And who’s to say they made them as truthful statements even if they said them?

Third, fact is people falsely confess to wrongdoing more often than you might believe. That’s why investigators corroborate details of a confession to make sure that it reliable, is un-coerced, is accurate, and not made by someone who is mentally ill, drugged, seeking notoriety, or acting out of a motivation other than providing the truth. I’ve seen it happen involving suspects even in murder cases.

Fourth, and once again because these are only “released” statements, we are unable to see the confessor’s demeanor, or subject them to questioning, or to cross examination, let alone assessing the credibility of those passing on the information.

Yet, if you have believed this and everything else that has been feed to you about this cheating “scandal”, Kristen must be about the most cruel and vicious girlfriend of all times.

1. She wears one of Rob’s favorite hats to her tryst and goes out of her way to make sure you see it multiple times.

2. She wears Rob’s sweatpants and uses them to let Rupert dryhump her from the rear in broad daylight in a public place in front of the paparazzi that she obviously knows are there. And laughs and smiles about it for the cameras. After virtually never allowing photographers to so much as see her kissing Rob for over four years.

3. Shortly after her cheating she enjoys a night out with Rob at a Bobby Long concert where she flirts with him and plays the part of the loving girlfriend.

4. She continues the charade at the TCA’s and elsewhere as though the indiscretion never happened.

5. And professes her love for him to the world for the first time as she confesses she cheated with another man, embarrassing him further.

Based on everything that you know, does she hate him so much that it is worth it to destroy her own career to deliver that message? Based on what, according to whom, and confirmed by what unnamed source?

If it looks like a duck, and walks like a fish, and quacks like a pig, then it probably is just that: a bunch of nonsense unworthy of belief.

There is little doubt that the “overlook” photos were staged and filmed at 7267 PACIFIC VIEW DRIVE in Los Angeles sometime around midday, not at some secluded overlook. Google Earth it, look NW up the Drive. I didn’t say the photos themselves are fake, I said they were staged. There is a difference. And if you still have a doubt, why has Kristen’s eye shadow gone through an amazing touchup in US Magazines’s two money shots (PopSugar #5 and #16) after a daylong tryst and yet she isn’t made up that way in many others that are taken at the same place?

I can’t say the same about the car makeout photos. They could have been filmed anywhere. But they also bear features (the disappearing photographers) that I cannot say with confidence that some of them have not been altered.

Much has been written on this blog claiming that there was nothing to gain by any of the parties to fake this incident and punk everyone. But just for the sake of argument let’s assume Rob, Kristen, Rupert, and Liberty agreed to stage this incident and create a punk of the celebrity gossip machine. What would they have to gain? And would it be a career ending prank as many have argued?

Get real. A successfully executed punk would propel their collective careers, not end them. Let’s count the reasons why:

1. Notoriety
Rob and Kristen’s career arcs were already stratospheric, particularly with some age cohorts, but I think it’s hard to argue that their notoriety would not be even more broad following this manufactured “scandal” . A quick scan of the posters on this blog suggests that there are many who are very familiar with this story now even though they were not otherwise fans of Twilight before or followed any of their careers. If this ends with a happily ever after, that notoriety is even more assured.

Rupert Sanders and his wife Liberty were far less known, she a former Vogue model and he the director of a reasonably successful reboot of a popular fairytale. Prior to this incident, far more people were familiar with the movie because of the involvement of Kristen, Charlize Theron, and Chris Hemsworth, not them. If this was all staged and Rupert and Liberty played a key role in it, they each become part of a Hollywood legend. You think that would hurt their careers?

2. Sweet Revenge
Both Rob and Kristen have been hounded by the paparazzi, and the celebrity gossip machine, and the ever present bloggers of gossip websites ever since their involvement in Twilight. They have both been accused of being gay, being drug abusers, being married, being engaged, and being pregnant multiple times; being involved in a faux romance to bilk even more money out of the unsuspecting fans; and being talentless actors. If this all turns out to be staged and a hoax, every person who believed it has to admit Kristen is a pretty good actress. And certainly a lot smarter and more cunning than they are. And every person who uttered an unkind comment about either of them would have to reflect on what compelled them to do so.
For years Kristen has been accused of being talentless, one expression, one-dimensional actress by some although she is roundly praised by those who have worked with her. This is mostly because she had the audacity to get involved in a relationship with Rob. Considering how many people have been driven to calling her a skank, a whore, and home wrecker because she convinced them that this scandal actually happened, it would be a lot harder for them to ever argue that again. Maybe not a great actress, but certainly good enough to make fools of them.

3. Publicity
There is little question that this incident has thrust all four of them into the public eye far beyond where each of them had been. They say that there is no such thing as bad publicity and for people who work in the entertainment business, publicity is everything. Currently for Kristen and Rupert, the publicity is negative, as they are there as the hated, the cheaters. For Liberty and Rob, they have the more desirable roles as the sympathetic victims, the unjustly wronged. But if they spring the trap and tell the world it was all staged, the story has a happy ending and all four of them come out as winners. To be followed by an endless series of further articles as to how it was pulled off, further propelling the notoriety and publicity about them.

4. Privacy
With the trap effectively accomplished, I can’t help but feel that the celebrity gossip machine would have to back off, if only for a while, and if only by a notch or two. But you got to believe that they might not want to mess with Ms. Stewart and Mr. Pattinson for awhile. Especially regarding some claimed impropriety. It may afford Rob and Kristen a little more personal space that they desperately crave.

5. Financial Success
Do you think for one moment that if this was staged and has a happy ending, that BD2 would not be even more wildly successful than ever, perhaps even the most successful of all. After all, it would the last of the series, and would be the first where everyone going in would know that Rob and Kristen were really together both on and off the screen. Twitards would be more enthralled than ever as “the dream lives on” even stronger than before. Others who maybe have never been familiar with the saga prior to this incident would be drawn to see it because of it.

The reason most people do not appreciate the benefits of a well executed punk is because they are looking at the situation as it appears currently. But if Rob Kristen Rupert and Liberty spring the trap and collectively yell you’ve been punked, this is not a career ending prank, but rather a boon to their careers. I think it is conceivable to doubt the prank, but it’s hard to argue against these benefits if in fact one is occurring.

But they can only let this run so long. It’s hard to comprehend this “scandal” is only three weeks old.

But I think there a couple good reasons to suspect that we may very close to the end.

First, this prank was launched with perfect timing during the Olympics when 20,000 journalists were distracted by the going ons there. The Olympics are over and their collective attention have the potential to drill holes into this “scandal”.

Second, Rob and Kristen have used the periods to go underground for over three weeks (since July 22) perhaps the longest time without a sighting for each of them. Whatever they were up to, they have had plenty of time to enjoy.

Third, it can’t go on forever and eventually Kristen will have to venture back onto the streets. Quite frankly, it’s not safe for her to be out there in this atmosphere with the number of crazies there are and the venom they are spouting.

Fourth,  Rupert and Liberty can only afford to go along with it for so long.

Fifth, and finally, the longer they wait, the harder it is to keep it under wraps.

Rob arguably passed on his first opportunity to pull the punk on Jon Stewart’s Show. His failure to do so only further heightened the speculation that he and Kristen are history, reinforcing the punk. But he’ll have another opportunity on the Today Show on Wednesday with its wide audience. And perhaps, his best opportunity comes when he sits with MTV’s Josh Horowitz on Thursday. Over the years, no one has been more respectful and closer to the Twilight trio than Josh. And MTV’s Twilight Tuesday was instrumental in making Twilight what it became.

If Rob clears all of these opportunities without fessing up, then it will time to re-examine what that means. Until then, let the speculation continue. I’m sure they will be arguing through the night why Rob appears tanned and rested after the trauma and indignities he has suffered.