Higher Ground

Hate is an odd word.  You can “hate” broccoli.  Or you can “hate” your haircut.  We use the word all the time and never think about it.  But when hate evolves into action, it is an entirely different thing.

I was thinking about all the hate that has come out toward Kristen and Rob.  Hate that as far as I can see, has never truly been based on any provable facts or rational reasons, but based merely on people’s perceptions of what they have read or have heard.  The truly sad part of it is that much of the hate began early on–fed by the unreasonable fantasies of one faction or the other.  But once last summer occurred, the madness developed into complete mania. I once encountered someone on Twitter who was vehemently arguing about the guilt of Kristen based on what she had seen in the tabloids.  I began by asking her if she considered herself a reasonable person.  When she said she did, I invited her to Justice for Kristen.  I challenged her to read through all the evidence–not just a part of it, but all of it–evidence based on provable facts.  At the end of that time, if she still felt that Kristen was guilty then, there was nothing more I could say.  The evidence, when viewed with an open mind, is irrefutable.  (She changed her mind, by the way, and has become a supporter of Kristen.)  Why, then, have so many continued to hold to the belief that there was an affair and a subsequent apology?  And, why after a year, have they continued to harbor that hate to the point of taking action?

I did some research the other day.  I went to three different articles on Gossip Cop.

  • One was about Anthony Weiner’s indiscretions.  Talk about provable evidence!  If you are so inclined, you can actually view the pictures that he sent to a woman of his penis.  This AFTER leaving office in disgrace because of the same kind of behavior and the public humiliation he had already put his wife through.
  • The second was of Simon Cowell’s revelation that he had fathered a child.  Now fathering a child  is not really a big deal, but it seems the mother was the wife of his best friend.  AND the couple was still married at the time of the affair.
  • The third was the story of Kristen Stewart being trapped in an alley by a paparazzi and the fact that she called him a f*ck face and didn’t deserve to breathe the same air as she did.

Anthony WeinerKristen in alley

Simon Cowell

Now, of the three…consider which is the biggest offense?  The man that exposed himself and now the pictures of his penis can be found on the internet  (leaving his wife and his small baby to face the humiliation of his actions); the man who fathered a child out of wedlock with the wife of his best friend—WHILE the wife and his friend were still married; or the 23 year old girl, cornered in an alley who chose to use the “f” word toward the man that was blocking her exit and was obviously (even in the edited versions) making her uncomfortable.

My findings were actually quite shocking.  I went on to the website on July 31st.  The Anthony Weiner article had been posted on July 25 and had 87 comments.  The Simon Cowell article had been posted on the 31st and had 23 comments, and the Kristen Stewart article had been posted on July 30th and had 3856 comments.  In ONE day! 3856 COMMENTS.  WTF?

What is it with people?  Now, I didn’t go through all the comments.  I’m sure that many, many of them were in support of Kristen.  But, what is really going on here?  I just don’t understand?

There are still people out there that take the time to go to these sites and not only will they read the article, but they will then proceed to make ugly comments about a young woman who has done NOTHING to them personally.  They continue to bring up last year’s scandal despite the fact that it really has no basis in fact and they malign her with accusations of breaking up a marriage and where two children were involved.

Now, let’s say that the whole thing was true—which it is not—but let’s go on that premise.  The only evidence people offer are the pictures and the fact that Liberty and Rupert subsequently divorced.  Then they point to an apology that no one ever saw Kristen or Rupert give.  The people who believe this base their “facts” on what they saw in tabloids.  If you were to use actual provable facts….Rupert and Liberty were headed toward a divorce to start with.  They had already filed a couple of times, and that occurred BEFORE Kristen was involved in their lives.  Their marriage was failing.  There are documents to prove it.  If their divorce had been finalized a month before, then the haters would COMPLETELY lose that as a selling point for their hatred.  If you were to assume (that makes an ass out of you AND me, but let’s do it anyway) that the pictures were actually taken by a hidden photographer, what do they really prove?  Who was the aggressor?  Was there actually a picture of Kristen doing anything other than talking to Rupert or being pinned by Rupert to the fence or the car door?  No.  She definitely was not the aggressor.  And about that apology….did anyone see Kristen write it, read it, give it to someone to give to someone to give to a tab?  How about the one from Rupert?  No?  Really?  Then what do they base their hatred of Kristen on?  And WHY in the name of God, are they STILL harping on it?

The papz and tabs are easy.  Money.  Plain and simple.  They made money on all three of those articles.  But, they made MEGA BUCKS off of the article on Kristen.  Gossip Cop has paid advertisers on it.  That means that every time someone clicks on to Gossip Cop, the advertiser pays Gossip Cop a certain amount.  Now, let’s assume that they get paid $1 per click–that will make the math easy (but it probably is more).  If you just went on the number of comments, then they would have made $3856 off that one article in one day.  Think about it, how many times have you gone to a site, read an article, and NOT left a comment?  Based on that, you can figure that they received a lot more clicks than comments—so suffice to say they made a pretty penny off of that one article.

Let me clue you in on something.  Every time you come to a site, they count it.  Every time you click on a page they count it.  The difference is, some have advertisers and some don’t.  Gossip Cop has advertisers and they get paid plenty.  If JFK had paid advertisers and I got $1 for every click on this site, I would have made OVER $400,000 in the past year! And JFK is a tiny, tiny little site—that more are learning of, but, in the scope of things—we’re a nobody!  Now, JFK gets nothing.  Everything done on this site is donated and done with love and a sense of justice for one unfairly accused.  Believe me when I say Gossip Cop is making a LOT of money and they are just one of the tabs out there.

So, the papz and tabs are easy to explain.  They are in it for the money.  If they quit making money on Kristen and Rob stories, they would move on to the next hot couple.  But, let me assure you that as long as people go to those sites—they will keep writing the articles and paying the paparazzi to take the pictures.

The fans are something different though.  I’m trying to figure that whole thing out.  Hatred is an ugly thing.  It manifests itself in anger.  But, in most cases, it is inwardly destructive.  It doesn’t normally affect the person being hated and it rarely affects the people on the periphery.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.~~Buddah

In this particular case, however, that hatred, that anger is affecting many people.  It affects the people around Kristen—even the ones that are merely in the wrong place at the wrong time—like the lady that helped Kristen to her car in the most recent incident.  It affects her friends.  How could it not?  They have to face the same paparazzi she does when they all go out together.  They have to endure the ugly comments thrown at their friend.  On Twitter and Instagram, they are often targets of the haters and some have had to close their accounts because of it.

It seems the haters have an unending list of reasons that they haul out to support their hate of Kristen and Rob.  If it isn’t Kristen’s “scandal”, then it is that she is ugly or that she can’t act.  For Rob, they suggest that he is unfaithful to Kristen or some other ridiculous idea.  When it comes to either of their acting abilities, I have come to one very sad conclusion.  Some people are too simple minded to look beyond the end of their nose and explore other performances or possibilities.  It’s so much easier to say “Kristen is a terrible actress” or “Rob is a horrible actor”.  Both Kristen and Rob are young and I am sure that they would be the first to say they are more proud of some of their performances than others.  They are both growing in their already substantial careers and they improve with everything they do!  But people base their opinion on viewing one performance and assume that all the rest of their performances are exactly the same.   I believe that anyone who bases ANY decision on just one “fact” is at the very least short sighted and is actually keeping themselves from enjoying some wonderful experiences.

In the case of the haters that have developed in this fandom, hatred has evolved in to jealousy and that jealousy has evolved into something much more dangerous—something that is truly frightening.  It is evolving into prejudice.

Prejudice is defined as : an irrational attitude of hostility directed against an individual, a group, a race, or their supposed characteristics

And even more frightening, that prejudice is beginning to produce bigots.

A bigot is defined as: a person who is obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices; especially : one who regards or treats the members of a group (as a racial or ethnic group) with hatred and intolerance

The intolerance that is developing in all areas of our society is a concern.  Now, I suspect if you were able to question any of the people who have been involved with the hate campaign against Kristen or Rob, they would never consider themselves as prejudiced or as bigots.  But, based on the definitions, they are behaving as if they are.  In our little microcosm it is the intolerance and prejudice of the haters that is causing them to behave as bigots and as bullies.  They hack into accounts and send viruses to people that disagree with them.  They brag about the fact that they have multiple accounts and that nothing can be done to stop them.  They belittle and harass people from behind the cover of their computers and the anonymity that it provides.  Unfortunately, people like these are either: too insecure, too immature or too irrational to understand that what they do is not funny.  They fail to understand that their antics have consequences and that one day, they will be forced to experience the results of their actions.  Some people call it Karma.  Some people just believe you should treat others the way you want to be treated.  But, however you define it, a reckoning will come.

As I was looking for the definition of bigotry, I came upon this comment and I thought it was so eloquently stated and went along quite nicely in respect to Kristen and Rob.

Prejudice based on a perceived impression fueled by insecurity or a false sense of superiority, which is not supported by hard facts – that to my mind is a bigot. The traditional definition as “hatred, contempt, or intolerance on the basis of a person’s ethnicity, religion, national origin etc.” may exclude many who express disapproval and dislike based on some unfounded “fear”, wounding innocents in the process. Not everyone can be “liked” but surely no-one deserves to be disliked without justification.~~ Priya Ramanujam · PSGR Krishnammal College for Women, Coimbatore

I would like to leave you with a song that a friend of mine has graciously allowed me to share with you.  It is called “Higher Ground”.  He refers to hate as “a hole where they bury your soul”.  He also states that we “all have shovels, but no one has a ladder.”  How do we get out of this hole that so many are intent upon digging?  That is the question.  I don’t believe that feeding into the anger and hate is helpful.   Being ugly back just escalates the problem.   It starts with agreeing to disagree.  That shouldn’t be so hard.  Then it moves on to following the old adage of “to each his own.”  Of course, that means that all parties have to be willing to cooperate.  If they don’t, then when all else fails, block and ignore.  Just like any bully, they will eventually get tired of not getting a response and will move on.  We need to get out of the hole and stop being so ugly to each other.  We need to get to “higher ground”.

Seeing the Light…

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. ~~Plato

It’s coming, you know…  More and more people are beginning to see the light.  They are seeing that the tabs print lies and use only selected pictures to prove them.  But, the intelligent ones are beginning to see through their plan.  Some will say that the camera never lies.  Perhaps that is true.  But, the ones in control of the images most certainly can and do.  Tabs publish only the pictures that will tell the story they want the public to believe.  Meanwhile, there may be hundreds of pictures that tell a completely different story—but THEY are not seen.  Papz take photos and manipulate them to change the meaning.  They alter dates and the order of sequence–some go so far as photo shopping details in or out.  People are beginning to understand the message that tabs are not a source for truth.  They are beginning to understand that they are “played” daily and so are choosing not to be part of the game.

Yes.  There are those who choose not to see the truth.  They look with eyes tainted by narrow minds and the belief that if they shout long and hard enough they can change what the intelligent already know.  They harass and attack those who have seen or are beginning to see the truth and attempt to bully them into believing in THEIR truth.  Unfortunately, their truth isn’t based in fact.  The same people who do the harassing will soon be shown to be the people who have been mistaken.  They will be forced to admit that their version of the truth cannot be made true simply because they want it to be so.  There are those who have worked hard to attempt to intimidate the people that have had the intelligence to ask questions and look for answers.

I used to tell my students, “Being loudest, doesn’t make you right—it only makes you the loudest.”  That could also be said to the people on Twitter and the different gossip sites who choose to be bullies (with a slight change).  “Being meanest, doesn’t make you right—it only makes you the meanest.”  People don’t like bullies and they don’t like liars.  Because of that, people are gradually looking for sites that don’t allow that behavior.  I am proud to say that this is such a site.

Thank you so much for coming, learning, discussing and understanding that things are not always as they seem in the world of tabs.  Thanks to those of you that have seen the light.  Pass the message along to all you know.

There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.~~Buddha

Advice to the Celebrities (and others) That Were Foolish Enough to Criticize Kristen Stewart at The Oscars

How To Succeed In Hollywood By Talent Manager Bruce Edwin

Published February 26, 2013 in News Blaze

22. Don’t trash talk stars!

Don’t be one of those people who goes on gossip tabloid sites or social media, and posts hateful things about stars, or who wastes their life complaining about them to others. I recall one day when a client I had started getting so angry in my office that Kristen Stewart was a star and she wasn’t. She argued with me about her talent, and insisted how she was hotter and more talented than Kristen-she wasn’t, and how that should have been her, not Kristen who was famous, and how Kristen didn’t deserve it. That mindset is so childish and stupid and foolish. For one, Kristen Stewart has been working in the industry since she was a little girl, and worked her way up, and secondly, even if this wanna-be actress was more talented and pretty, and also had a mom who was a casting director-which was not the case, being jealous of others success will get you no where. This girl couldn’t act to save her life, had never even attended an acting class, yet, thought that she was more entitled to fame and fortune than a stranger she had never even met.

Putting attention on fear-fear of not being good enough, fear of never making it, and hate-hatred of others success, hatred of stars, jealousy that they have what you want and they have more and you don’t, will lead to more and more misery. Progress and abundance and success comes from building, not from tearing down.

The universe delivers to us what we put our attention on, and if we put our attention on fear, hate, envy, and jealousy, then we will get more of that back in our life in the form of things to fear, things we hate, things that make us jealous, lack, and misery. However, if we put our minds on love, acceptance, gratitude, and success, then we will get that back.

Stop trying to tear down the rich and famous, and either honor them, or ignore them if you want, but don’t live a life of hatred and jealousy-that is totally lame. I recently saw one post of a geeky girl laughing how she looked younger (and presumably better) than Britney Spears. She didn’t look younger or better. Most in the industry will not want to deal with a hater, or a jealous person. They are not pleasant to be around, so don’t be one!

The other reason not to trash talk stars-aside from you don’t know them, and it’s the wrong thing to do, is, the person you may want to work with could actually give you a chance of working in a film or on a record with them. I once had a client who said how he literally hated a certain company-for political reasons. The film I was working on at the time had a sponsorship from the company, and I had him there to meet a casting director for the film. After telling us about his rant against the company, he was told, OK, forget it, you’re not getting considered for this job, since you hate this company. When ‘Twilight’ castings came up, the girl described above would have been a perfect fit for some of the vampire clan roles. But of course, I was not about to have her considered, and didn’t. She continued with her frustration about Hollywood, and like so many, disappeared, just as did the guy described above.

I once had an actress tell me how she hated a certain celebrity. She got filled with a passionate rage about her hatred of this certain female, yet had no logical reason for it. My conclusion was that she was a closet lesbian and secretly wanted to be with her. Regardless, I told her how my company was actually dealing with her office-which I was. She was shocked, and began trying to back pedal and ended up confessing to me how she kind of really liked her, and that she was hot, but that she found her annoying and she was very jealous of her. Go figure.

If you must, pretend that the Kevin Bacon game is real-it actually is, and everyone in Hollywood is connected to someone who is connected to someone who is eventually down the line-connected to someone you may be talking about. So keep it clean, keep it cool, and keep it positive if you have anything to say about someone. And if you don’t, well then, as the line goes, if you don’t have something good to say about someone, then just don’t say anything at all.

See the entire article here.