The Grand Punk- Part 2
Sometimes when things seem too unbelievable to be true, they are just that: not worthy of belief.
I think this whole was dreamed up and brilliantly executed by Rob, Kristen, and Rupert and that the celebrity gossip machine is about to get punked bigtime. It’s a big payback for all the crap they have had to put up with for years. And I think there is also something even more significant behind it.
In Part 1 earlier we examined the context of the “scandal” and the version of events according to FameFly Net, the paparazzi firm that purportedly photographed it. In Part 2, we critically examine that version of events and their photographic evidence.
A short version of their pictures is available at US Magazine at:. http://www.usmagazine.com/cele…. and purportedly, all of them are up at http://www.popsugar.com/Kriste… . Be warned, I know some of you are loath to look at them. But if you are interested in learning the truth, look at them very carefully indeed.
Let’s start with what I’ll call the CAR MAKE OUT SESSION photos and Fame Fly Net’s version of events.
a. How does Rupert get to the area and into the car where the car makeout session happens? Per FameFlyNet’s version, Kristen is already there in place waiting for him, the pap is watching and waiting, and has followed her there intentionally because he was “curious” as to why she is there. Remember, Kristen purportedly dropped Rupert near his house at the end of the day so if you believe that you have to wonder how did Rupert get there in the first place? Take a cab? Walk? Materialize from thin air? Irrespective of that, why would Kristen wait alone for Rupert in an rundown area of town in an abandoned warehouse area (dangerous???) for 15 minutes if she was really there all alone? And most importantly, why wasn’t Rupert’s arrival photographed. The minute anybody or any car approaches Kristen’s Mini Cooper, you would expect that that paparazzi’s shutter is going to be flying.
But yet, we don’t get one photo of his arrival or entry into the car as he “slips discreetly” into the car (See LA Times article and FameFlyNets version of events). And precious few others were taken while she was purportedly there for seemingly minutes. What kind of pap is this? Ran out film? Ran out batteries? What’s the deal with this paparazzi? Not paying attention? Can’t identify Rupert. No video camera?
And if there are other pictures or video, why is US Magazine or FameFlyNet holding them back if they have more of them. Some may argue that they are holding them back to drag out the story and make more of it and more off of it. That they will be released later. Perhaps, but it doesn’t exactly make you warm and fuzzy about their credibility does it? And the claim from PopSugar is that they have all the photos. So if they have more, cough them up. The burden of persuasion is on them. And until they do if they exist at all, based on what little they have provided thus far, it’s a little bit early to be calling someone a whore, a homewrecker, a trampire, or anything else.
b. Why were the photos released in a scrambled order and why are they incomplete? The scrambling is obvious if you look at what order they are in when they were provided. This may seem like a minor matter, but it certainly doesn’t help clarify what really happened that day. There should be many more photos and video for that matter. Yet they intentionally try to make it difficult to comprehend the sequence of events. As other have rightly pointed out, other than the version of events provided by them, how do we know whether the car makeout session happened first and the overlook second, or the other way around. (More on that in Part 3 of the Grand Punk) The mere photos themselves do not establish the sequence of events.
c. What do the photos actually show? Much has been made of what people think appears in the photos as opposed to what you actually see when you look at them. Close face to face proximity, Kristen flexing her bicep, suggestions they are kissing, but certainly nothing showing how he is “kissing all over her body” as they claim. That line in FameFlyNet’s version of events is intentionally designed to titillate people’s sexual imagination, but the photos themselves fall far short. As much as some have wanted to see oral sex happening here, you sure can’t see it in these photos unless you want to use your imagination. But is that what the evidence shows? Ever sat in the front of a mini Cooper? Not impossible but there is a reason they call it a mini. I challenge anyone to show us which photos proves that Rupert went down or Kristen or that she ever removed an item of her clothing during the entire incident, whether it be her shirt, her bra, her sweatpants, or anything else.
d. And what of the reflection in the car door? See this one for an example and look at the rest. http://www.popsugar.com/Kriste… Where is the photographer in the reflection? He has to somewhere? And irrespective of where he is in this one or in any of the others or what angle he is to the car, note how the building shown in the reflection in Kristen’s door is relatively close. This is not a high powered telephoto shot taken from great distance. There is not enough room for the photographer to stay hidden as he or she takes the photo. And yet they are not there, they simply disappear. And don’t tell me he’s on the roof of the building. The angle is wrong, and remember, he was just casually following Kristen, how does he know he needs to bring a ladder to climb buildings.
e. Following up on d. above, both Kristen and Rupert would have had to have known that the photographer was there. Unless of course he or she was invisible which we know can’t be the case. Both of them look to the camera. See PopSugar 31 and 47 where Kristen turns and looks to the camera and Rupert eyes the camera. This building reflection appears in every photo of the car make out session provided, making it clear that all of them are from one and only one location.
e. Why no video? When so many of these cameras provide that capability or these paparazzi have easy access to a video camera. To busy taking photos? Then why aren’t there more photos of them in and around the car?
f. And finally, the entire FameFlyNet version of events is that Kristen is so into Rupert and so out of control. Yet the only photos we get of her actual face are two partials that show anything but passion, the two bicep flex photos Popsugar #4 and 52, and # 31 where she looks back in the direction of the camera with a look that would be impossible to describe as passionate.
WHAT OF THE OTHER MAKEOUT LOCATION PHOTOS BEFORE THEY REACH HOLLYWOOD SIGN OVERLOOK?
a. As much as FameFlyNet and US Magazine try to imply that Kristen and Rupert drove all over town looking for places to make out, their photos fail to establish any other location was involved in terms of them making out with each other than at the overlook. Zilch! Zero!. Nada! Despite the original paparazzi’s call for reinforcements, no photos, no description, no video, no details, nothing as to any other place. This assertion is completely unsubstantiated. And if not, why not?
WHICH TAKES US TO THE HOLLYWOOD SIGN OVERLOOK
a. How do paparazzi now numbering four according to FameFlyNet and US, even get into a position to be able to see what they see and why don’t they see and film more? This should have been the most photographed scene in history of celebrity photags, and yet all we get is roughly 27 photos, many of them innocuous? (See PopSugar 3,8,13,23,55) We should have this incident from multiple views, videos, with virtually everything but sound, and instead we get the slop that everyone has gotten so excited about, which is a very limited slice of “reality” if it’s reality at all. If there are other pictures or video US Magazine, bring them on. But in the current absence, the burden of persuasion as to the truth of their assertions remains on US Mag & FameFlyNet. And there is nothing worse than a claim based on a partially told story.
b. In one of them, Rupert is standing sort of looking over the guardrail with a …. CELLPHONE ??? to his ear. Am I seeing things or is that what it looks like. Take a look at PopSugar #55. Did he decide to take a break from his marathon make out sessions to make a call or two? And what about Kristen in the same photo, is she on a call as well?
c. Another thing I noticed as an avid photographer was the remarkable clarity, depth of field, and a lack of lens distortion of any kind in the overlook photos particularly. Compare these images to what you see at the car make out session. Long telephoto lenses, particularly super longs, when shooting from a distance tend to flatten perspective making everything that is in focus seem like it is closer to the same plane, not to mention flattened depth of field. They are also harder to hand hold (which leads to camera shake blurriness) because the angle of view of the lens is so narrow. And lens and barrel distortion as well as other design issues with even modern high tech lenses can lead to a deterioration of the image. Especially when you are zooming at the farther end of a telephoto.
Why is this important? Something tells me that this camera is a lot closer to them at the overlook than it was at the car makeout session and again too close for the photographer to evade observation. Unless of course they were posing for them and not worried about the photographer standing there.
I am not saying that the images are completely fabricated. I am here focusing on the issue of how far the photographer was from the picture’s subjects when it was taken and what that may or may not suggest about whether they knew they were there.
d. Which leads to another observation about both sets of photos. Even if you accept what some have said about what they show, is there anything about them that definitively reveals whether they were authentic or whether Kristen and Rupert merely posed for them.
e. And let get right to it. The famed dry hump pictures. Of her but with her clothes on. Rupert is able to bring her to the heights of ecstasy without even taking off her clothes. Right. Again, maybe the delusions of some guy’s wet dream but utterly lacking in believability. Which is maybe why in several photos it appears that one or the other of them is laughing.
It looks more like her acting like a porn star. Remember the plot of Cali, and Kristen’s statements about it?
Look at them PopSugar 9???, 17 Rupert looks to the camera, 19,20,21, oh how passionate. 22 with Kristen leaning over with her hair flying. 35 my personal favorite, if this is a look of passion, I have never seen one like it before. 41 another Kristen hair flying leaner with both of them laughing. 43, 44, and the final hair flyer 50. Is this passion, someone’s imagination, or a joke.
f. Again, consider the context. Everything about this so called incident is so out of character for Kristen. Broad daylight, interlude in a public place without any attempt to hide her identity? This woman is probably among the most recognizable women on planet. And the object of every paparazzi’s desire. She knows it and she knows that she is constantly being followed. Why at the overlook is Kristen so obviously identifiable when people are so-calledly all over the place interrupting their interlude?
People hiking, people walking dogs. People going to SEE THE HOLLYWOOD SIGN. No one could mistake identifying her, particularly in PopSugar #8, #23, and #55, and all the rest of them for that matter. And yet she continues the conduct in open view with no attempt to hide herself despite waving around Rob’s hat so that it could be seen. And no photos of her trying to avoid detection as FameFlyNet claims or photos of hikers or dog walkers interrupting them.
It took years for the paparazzi to even catch her holding hands with Rob (Paris tarmac) and years more to catch her in a long distance, blurry full-on make out session (in Montreal during OTR) and that is virtually the only time since other than at Cannes. Is she really going to parade around LA with a married guy with children guy twice her age and dry hump him for all the world to see? Is this in any way consistent with her character? It may be consistent with some guy’s demented wetdream, or some poor porno film, but it isn’t consistent with anything else we have seen from her before.
g. Well you could say that people act out of character every day and that she was madly in lust and couldn’t control herself. But if that were the case, why not just strip in the car and have real sex? Why not go into bushes at the overlook and have real sex? Why go out at all? Why not just get a hotel? If they were both so out of control, why is the contact between them so limited? Take a really close look at the pictures again at the overlook. Suggestive perhaps, but his hands are never anywhere inappropriate in the many where you can clearly see them. Hugging, spooning while standing, close face to face contact, smiling but not even kissing. Don’t fill in what you are seeing, just look at them. They looked posed, and not very well posed at that. Remember, Hollywood is all about illusions.
h. Finally Kristen wears Rob’s favorite hat to her tryst and goes out of her way to make sure you see it multiple times. Interesting in one photo PopSugar 55, as she’s seen walking from the car to the overlook she obviously doesn’t have it, but apparently must go back to get it to get it to make sure it’s in the photos at the guardrail (See PopSugar,10,12, 14, 30, 32,40,51,54, and walking to Rupert in 55. And my personal favorites the money the US Magazine Money Shots 5 and 16. But no, the hat is missing in 8, 9, 17, 19,20,21, 22,28,35,41,43,44, and 50. I think that’s what they call a continuity error in the business.
And never in the entire incident at the overlook does she put it on her head to hide her identity in the entire sequence.
i. She even wears Rob’s sweatpants and uses them to let Rupert dry hump her in her clothes from the rear in broad daylight in a public place in front of the paparazzi that she obviously sees. And laughs and smiles about it for the cameras. After virtually never allowing photographers to so much as see her kissing Rob for over four years. That is about all I can stomach in terms of logic in one night.
LATER IN PART 3 of the Grand Punk, we will continue critically examine the evidence and how the “immediate apologies” short circuited an evaluation of the facts. And if and why those apologies occurred and what it was meant to accomplish.