Sometimes when things seem too unbelievable to be true,
they are just that: not worthy of belief.
In The Grand Punk Part 7 we examined the provable evidence and looked at five “Kristen and Rupert Were Having an Affair and Got Caught” scenarios. All of them were found wanting and not based on provable facts. In Part 8 we will examine four more scenarios that fall under the general classification of Rob and Kristen Are in an Ongoing Relationship and the Affair Was Staged. Let’s examine these scenarios in detail and evaluate how they stack up in terms of the provable evidence.
The Rob & Kristen Are in an Ongoing Relationship and the Affair Was Staged Scenarios
There are also five principle scenarios of this type, all of which rely on the central notion that Rob and Kristen are in an ongoing relationship and that Kristen’s affair was staged by one or more of the principles parties to accomplish a certain result. Let’s examine the scenarios within this group in detail and evaluate how they stack up in terms of the provable evidence. We will keep numbering the scenarios sequentially.
Scenario 6: The Grand Punk
This scenario is based on the central notion that Rob & Kristen, working in cooperation with Rupert & Liberty and others, staged the affair to punk the celebrity gossip machine and in the process further their interests in a variety of ways. It is also my personal theory as to what actually has and is happening in this incident.
SUMMARY: Rob and Kristen and Liberty and Rupert conspired together to fabricate the affair. Various photographs were taken of Kristen and Rupert at multiple locations around Los Angeles to feign a couple of romantic encounters. They also intentionally staged the photographs in a way to make some of the photographs looked staged and digitally altered others, so that careful observers would realize that the whole affair was staged. Using a person posing as a paparazzi, they sold the pictures and possibly the fake narrative to FameFlyNet, knowing that they would sell the images to one of the major celebrity gossip magazines and that the story would rage across the celebrity gossip machine.
Consistent with their plan, FameFlyNet bought the photos and story hook line and sinker and then sold them exclusively to US Magazine who didn’t even question the photos once they appeared genuine and Rob and Kristen’s representatives did not contest there authenticity. When US Magazine went public with the story, Kristen and Rupert’s representatives released vague apologies through People Magazine to fuel the story and divert attention from a careful examination of the photographs. They then sat back and watched the celebrity gossip machine do its thing and take the story nuclear giving them weeks of massive publicity coverage, not to mention a multitude of ridiculous rumors, proving their point that the gossip media machine is out of control.
Periodically thereafter, they anonymously feed further “source-less” stories to the media or orchestrated further incidents (Liberty’s ring-less outings, Rob’s public outings, Kristen’s appearances wearing Rob’s clothes, carrying his backpack, and wearing his necklace) to accentuate the “scandal”. As the weeks passed, they acted consistently with the “scandal” and eventually orchestrated appearances to highlight their reemergence, their breakup or their reconciliations, keeping the story always in the public eye.
Eventually, when the story reaps its maximal benefits and exposure, they will use an event or create one to announce the punk, put the celebrity media in its place, and triumphantly promote Breaking Dawn II, with the adoration and respect of their adoring, relieved fans. Having gained a whole new cadre of people who are aware of them and having pulled the biggest prank in Hollywood history, they will reap the benefits for years to come.
PRINCIPLE STRENGTHS: This scenario is the only one that fully truly “fits” all of the provable facts, and answers the nagging question why Kristen would have an “inexplicable” affair with a man twice her age. This scenario also accounts for why only a limited number of photos were provided, why US Magazine and FameFlyNet were oblivious to the place and circumstances of the photos, why many of the photos appeared staged and some appeared manipulated. It makes winners out of all of them.
PRINCIPLE WEAKNESS: This is a relatively complex conspiracy that involves a number of people who would have to have known its true nature. It requires the full cooperation of Rupert and Liberty, the consent of at least the highest management figures at Summit and Universal (because of their financial interests in the Twilight Saga and SWATH), the awareness of Nick Cassavetes (because of Kristen’s temporarily delay in making Cali) and several others. Keeping such a complex plot together would prove taxing, and steadfast patience as it played out, particularly the longer it lasted. This scenario also becomes successively less viable as time continues to pass. Eventually, Kristen and Rob would have to “pull” the punk in time for there to be a “happy ending” and for the films to benefit from the punk’s effect. That time hasn’t come yet, but it will soon, and certainly no later than the Breaking Dawn premier.
ANALYSIS & CONCLUSIONS: Everyone comes out a big winner in this scenario. Kristen and Rob, and Breaking Dawn for that matter, benefit from an extraordinary amount of free media coverage for months. Kristen is redeemed and multitudes of people will owe her a mea copa for having spoken ill of her morals and her acting talent. Rupert and Liberty come from near relative obscurity to being widely known and associated with this famous prank. Summit will make even more money off of Breaking Dawn II, benefiting from the reaffirmed off-scene romance. Universal is set up perfectly to execute Swath II. Cali and every other film in Rob or Kristen’s immediate future benefits from their notoriety and the attention spotlighting those films. And even the celebrity gossip machine, although it has been seriously punked and put in its place, makes money from the “scandal” through increased magazine revenue and web traffic revenue.
Many have argued have tried to argue that there is no way that any of these parties would put themselves through this. But let’s take a serious look at the benefits in detail.
- Notoriety: Rob and Kristen’s career arcs were already stratospheric, particularly with some age cohorts, but I think it’s hard to argue that their notoriety is not even more widespread given this manufactured “scandal”. People who never followed them or Twilight before are riveted by the “scandal”. If this has a happy ending, that notoriety is even more assured. Rupert and Liberty were far less known, she a former Vogue model and he the director of a reasonably successful reboot of a popular fairytale. Prior to this incident, far more people were familiar with the Snow White and the Huntsman because of the involvement of Kristen, Charlize Theron, and Chris Hemsworth, not them. If this was all staged and Rupert and Liberty played a key role in it, they become part of a Hollywood legend. You think that would hurt their careers?
- Sweet Revenge: Both Rob and Kristen have been hounded by the paparazzi, internet bloggers, and the celebrity gossip machine for years. They both been accused of being gay, being drug abusers, being married, being engaged, and Kristen being pregnant multiple times. They have also been accused of being in a faux romance to bilk even more money out of the unsuspecting fans and of being talentless actors. Kristen has also been accused of being an aloof, uncaring and ungrateful celebrity, and through this scandal being a home wrecker, a skank, a whore, and a cheater. If this all turns out to be staged and a hoax, every person who believed it has to admit Kristen is a pretty good actress. And every person who uttered an unkind comment about either of them would have to reflect on what compelled them to do so.
- Publicity: There is little question that this incident has thrust all four of them into the public eye far beyond where each of them had been before. They say that there is no such thing as bad publicity and for people who work in the entertainment business, publicity is everything. Initially for Kristen and Rupert, the publicity was negative, as they were the hated, the cheaters. Liberty and Rob have had the more desirable roles as the sympathetic victims, the unjustly wronged. But if they spring the trap and tell the world it was all staged, the story has a happy ending and all four of them come out as winners. To be followed by an endless series of further articles as to how it was pulled off, further propelling the notoriety and publicity about them.
- Privacy: With the trap effectively accomplished, I can’t help but feel that the celebrity gossip machine would have to back off, if only for a while, and if only by a notch or two. But you got to believe that they might not want to mess with Ms. Stewart and Mr. Pattinson for awhile. Especially regarding some claimed impropriety. It may afford Rob and Kristen a little more personal space that they desperately crave.
- Financial Success: Do you think for one moment that if this was staged and has a happy ending, that BD2 would not be even more wildly successful than ever, perhaps even the most successful of them all. After all, it would the last of the series, and it would be the first where everyone going in would know that Rob and Kristen were really together both on and off the screen. Twitards would be more enthralled than ever as “the dream lives on” even stronger than before. Others who maybe have never been familiar with the Saga prior to this incident would be drawn to see it because of it. Ditto for their future film projects.
Interest in Rob and Kristen has never been higher. Interest in Cosmopolis far exceeded anything it would have experienced. Kristen virtually high-jacked the opening of the Toronto International Film Festival with On the Road and continued it with her appearance in New York. Rarely in the history of Hollywood has such sustained attention been focused on two actors for such a long period of time. Message boards and comment sections on online blogs have lit up with Gossip Cop articles about them garnering as many as 6000 comments each and untold numbers of readers.
Coverage of Liberty is higher than it has ever been with offers of films scripts, appearances on the catwalk, and coverage while she is out and about. Even Rupert’s career looks brighter than ever despite his current status as the scoundrel. Is there any doubt that a happy ending would propel their careers even further?
There are so many facts confirming the validity of this theory that it is almost unbelievable that that aren’t more adherents to it. But as Rob has correctly noted, gossip magazines make idiots of people. Even when a clear series of events are being orchestrated like a fine symphony- from Kristen’s indiscretion, to her meltdown, to her reformation, to her redemption, to their reunion. Before it’s over, there will not be a dry eye in the house. But that’s Hollywood. I think it is conceivable to doubt the prank, but it’s hard to argue against these benefits if in fact one is occurring.
Scenario 7: THE PREDATOR
This scenario is based on the central notion that Rupert essentially took advantage of Kristen and orchestrated a series of events to “assault” her and photograph a staged affair to presumably coerce her to do something he wanted her to do such as: insure that he remained as the director in SWATH II, engage in a real affair with him, get her to support his other film projects, or perhaps, blackmail her into giving him some cold, hard cash.
SUMMARY: In this scenario, Rupert, who has been secretly or not so secretly lusting after Kristen for months, lures her to pick him up near his business place at TMZ, feigning the need to talk with her. Once in the car, he directs her to another location where he takes her by surprise and comes on to her, enabling his waiting accomplice to photograph them in compromised positions. Using the photos, he attempts to coerce Kristen to do his bidding, but to his surprise, she calls his bluff, leaving him to release the photos to FameFlyNet to cover his tracks. Before Kristen is able to clue Rob in on what happened, FameFlyNet sells the pictures to US Magazine who releases them. Rob believes the affair actually happened just like everyone else and promptly flees from Kristen refusing to talk to her. Kristen, desperate to have him talk to her, delivers her public apology and professes her love for him. Which backfires as Rob is horrified by the public nature of the confession. Rupert is left with no choice but to do likewise. Eventually Kristen is able to reestablish contact and convince rob of the truth, but by then it is too late to out Rupert’s misconduct. Rob and Kristen decide to ignore the incident, hoping it will just go away. They orchestrate a series of events to signal her regret, his forgiveness, and their reemergence as a couple, trying to make the best out of a bad situation.
PRINCIPLE STRENGTHS: This scenario also accounts for why only a limited number of photos were provided (since Rupert only got a limited number of them), why US Magazine and FameFlyNet were oblivious to the place and circumstances of the photos, and why many of the photos appeared staged and some appeared manipulated. It also explains why Rupert seems to be so aware of the camera in several of the photographs at both of the places they were taken.
PRINCIPLE WEAKNESSES: But its explanation of a need for a public apology is weak as there is little doubt that Kristen had some other means to reach out to Rob and let him know what happened without resorting to a public apology and there almost by definition would have to have been a time gap (between when Rupert tried to coerce Kristen and when he released the pictures to FameFlyNet) wherein Kristen would have had more than ample time to talk with Rob. It would also have been a high risk venture for Rupert as Kristen could have blown the whistle and told Rob or the authorities. This scenario also posits Rupert as a sexual predator and a criminal, with virtually no evidence to support that notion.
ANALYSIS & CONCLUSIONS: This scenario almost certainly requires that nearly all of the photos at one of the two sites be photo shopped or manipulated since Rupert could not have taken Kristen by surprise twice, making it technically more complex. The easier photos to fake would have been the car make out photos since Kristen is only arguably recognizable or near recognizable in three of them, PopSugar #4 and #31 and #52. (all of which theoretically could have been easily photo shopped). The rest could have involved someone with Kristen’s body type, hair color and similar clothing. The overlook photos could have been a combination of actual and photo-shopped pictures where Rupert came on to her. Or else the reverse.
As noted above, this is also the darkest of the scenarios as it posits Rupert as a criminal and sexual predator, and as such, would have been a high risk venture for Rupert as Kristen could have immediately gone to Rob or the` authorities and report the activity. None of the provable evidence supports this notion and it is as such only speculative.
An alternative version of this scenario skirts the above described timing problem by suggesting that Rupert goes directly to the step of releasing the pictures to FameFlyNet in order to show that he could steal the girlfriend of the “The Sexiest Man Alive”, a kind of ego-maniacal display of sexual prowess. But once again, this is pure speculation and is not supported by any of the provable evidence.
Scenario 8. The BLACKMAILERS
This scenario is based on the central notion that Rupert and Liberty worked together to stage the scandal in order to advance their own interests and coerce Kristen to do something that they wanted her to do such as those listed things above as well as to force to help Liberty advance her own film career. Unlike in the previous scenario were Liberty is a none-involved innocent co- victim, in this scenario she is an active supporter and participant in Rupert’s plot. Media exposure for both of them is the goal.
SUMMARY: In this scenario, Rupert work together to “frame” Kristen, and Rupert lures her to pick him up near his business place at TJZ, feigning the need to talk with her. Once in the car, he directs her to another location where he takes her by surprise and comes on to her and is able to have them photographed together in compromised positions. Liberty serves as the “alternate” Kristen in the photos that need to be photo shopped. Using the photos, they attempts to coerce Kristen to do their bidding, but to their surprise, she calls their bluff, leaving them to release the photos to FameFlyNet to cover their tracks.
Just as in the previous scenario, before Kristen is able to clue Rob in on what happened, Rob believes the affair occurred just like everyone else and promptly flees from Kristen, refusing to talk to her. Kristen, desperate to have him talk to her, delivers her public apology and professes her love for him. Which backfires as Rob is horrified by the public nature of the confession. Eventually she is able to reestablish contact and convince him of the truth, but by then it is too late to out Rupert and Liberty’s misconduct. Rob and Kristen decide to just ignore the incident, hoping it will just go away. They orchestrate a series of events to signal her regret, his forgiveness, and their reemergence as a couple, trying to make the best out of a bad situation. Rupert & Liberty play the part of repentant cheater and jilted wife, until they “reconcile” later, their misconduct never exposed.
PRINCIPLE STRENGTHS: This scenario also accounts for why only a limited number of photos were provided (since Rupert only got a limited number of them), why US Magazine and FameFlyNet were oblivious to the place and circumstances of the photos, provides the body double model for Kristen, and why many of the photos appeared staged and some appeared manipulated. It also explains why Rupert seems to be so aware of the camera in several of the photographs at both of the places they were taken.
PRINCIPLE WEAKNESSES: The explanation of a need for a public apology is also weak here as there is little doubt that Kristen had some other means to reach out to Rob and let him know what had happened without resorting to a public apology. It too would also have been a high risk venture for Rupert and Liberty as Kristen could have blown the whistle and told Rob or the authorities, subjecting them to criminal prosecution and potentially jail. This scenario also posits Rupert and Liberty as criminals with virtually no evidence to support that notion.
Scenario 9: THE BREAKUP
This scenario is based on the central notion that Kristen and Rob’s relationship had recently run its course and the “scandal” was faked in order for Rob and Kristen to have a clean break and move on from a fandom that refused to see them as anything other than together.
SUMMARY: Central to this scenario is the idea that Rob and Kristen’s relationship had recently run its course and they needed to stage a Kristen/Rupert affair so their fans would allow them to go forth without each other into the future. As a result the affair photographs were staged and released with the specific goal of selling the breakup, which had actually occurred, to the public. Consistent with the plan, the photographs were leaked to FameFlyNet and upon their sale to and release by US Magazine, immediate apologies were released to People Magazine to reinforce the existence the affair and provide a explanation for their breakup.
PRINCIPLE STRENGTHS: Staging a breakup would certainly be consistent with the desire to break up the fandom’s preoccupation with them being a couple. The photograph, reinforced by Kristen’s confession, would also provide more than ample justification for the breakup and ample evidence that their relationship was indeed over.
PRINCIPLE WEAKNESSES: Kristen’s immediate apology and seemingly unequivocal desire to renew a relationship with Rob seems to mitigate against the reliability of this scenario as does her subsequent activities (wearing Rob’s clothes, carrying his backpack, wearing the necklace he gave her suggest she did not want a breakup. Assuming that you believe the authenticity of such things. It is also highly questionable why they needed to have a “clean break” at all since they could have accomplished the same by simply announcing it or simply ceasing to be together, saving the public embarrassment and derision. Why they wouldn’t wait a couple more months until after promotions for Breaking Dawn II were completed is also problematic. Having been together for years, what would another couple months cost them? There is also the matter of what caused the recent breakup and when did it occur. None of these legimate questions can be answered. Since this scenario is not designed to be “outted, it is hard to see how Rupert benefits from it. What is his motivation to help Rob and Kristen to break up? And once again, if they goal was to credibly breakup, why are all of the make out photos so inartfully accomplished? Since the idea was to make the breakup credible, why make the primary evidence of it look so questionable?
ANALYSIS & CONCLUSIONS: This scenario’s lack of strengths and its inherent weaknesses inevitably leads to the conclusion that it is not a viable explanation for what occurred in this incident. As a result it is not based on the kind of evidence that a reasonably prudent person would rely on to make an important decision in their own life. It should be rejected.